I think this is the level where, a little help could reverse what might be irreversible.

I guess, when you don't turn up for a week or two, people tend to forget you. When you don't keep up your game, you are out of the league. and when you seem to be lost, they put you to blame. Is it really my choice or Is it that the meaning of friendship has changed? Amazing isn't it? How life goes... And i am not the only one who thinks so. Within a a few minutes of publishing this status on FB, people agrees.


hmm. on another note... i feel so mediocre. Still. I realise that other people know so much, they have gone so far or starting their engines to fly to greater heights and yet... i am still here. Still nothing special. Someone said, perfection is impossible, but when you aim for perfection you get excellence. I know, i know, i get that always- 'Don't think of it. you are overreacting.' But i can't help it. =( I want to be someone, who won't fade with time.I want to be someone who i can be proud of. But i can only be proud of, someone who everyone is proud of. Sigh. Let alone laying that eternal foundation, i haven't even started to look for a place to do so. In everything i do, i seem to get the feeling that i have done it terribly. Even what i say to people or my actions, i will think of it seconds after it has been done.


I guess, as time passes by, my seek for perfection seems to have gone from beyond average level to beyond healthy level. In a way its a good thing because no matter how much i have done, i still think its terrible when sometimes its not. In a way it's also a bad thing because no matter how much i have done, i still think its terrible when sometimes its not. You know what i mean? I don't blame you if you don't, because you'll only understand, if you experience it. No its not the i-have-done-badly, kind of thing. Most people would shed it off and say what's past is past though in their heart they are sad and down. it just more that that.


If its up to my choice, i would've picked a better feeling, don't you think?

Self quarantine.

My aunt has been nagging me (you know the usual aunt who lives with me. the one who nags us more than my mother does) about the self quarantine. As much as i am bored in the house, i have to show my face. If not i'll get my lunch lecture or afternoon lecture at the dining table hahaha. But yeah. I have been escaping especially at night, with mum. =p Mum has been trying to get me out every night while waiting for my brother from tuition. Do don't get me wrong...

I was just ask not to mingle around with friends for a week. I don't want to anyway. Because if anyone of you get sick, i am the one most likely to be blamed. And then we all got quarantined! Huhu. I must not be MOH-quarantined until the next two weeks, for some reason i cannot tell anyone now. This means that i might not be able to go for events. Sorry berabis. Loves.

Oh yeah. I am free next week starting TUESDAY. But i might not be the week after.

By air, by land, by water- Dunedin to Rotorua (and Auckland)

I've been listening to Gone to soon over and oba again. Wonderful song. Anyways,briefly- my flight took almost 10 hours from Brunei to Auckland. From Auckland, i took a domestic flight to Dunedin Via wellington. I stayed at Amal's and her house mates were very very friendly. The first three days, we woke up late and went around Dunedin visiting gardens, museums, streets (shops). The fourth day, we went to Larnach castle and Portobello- somewhere along the Otago peninsula.. Amal drove us. I liked the peninsula. Beautiful place, there was blue water every where!

Pictures could not be taken inside the castle. Hehe Di luar saja.

The next day we went by bus to Christchurch. I can't remember exactly, but i guess its around 6 hours by bus. It was late in the afternoon by the time we got there and shops were closing -except Starbucks =p

We stayed in a hostel.

Makan maggi. haha desperate. And yeah behind me is a bunk bed.

Anyway, the next day, we headed off to Wellington by train and ferry. From Christchurch to Picton, we took a train, but the train crashed into something or someone, delaying our journey, so halfway through the route, we used a bus. No one got hurt. Especially us. Haha. We were eating and drinking complimentary hot chocolate while complaining about the delay. The complimentary drinks were given because of the delay- they shut us up with hot chocolate. We missed our supposed ferry at picton and they retimed it. Sigh. If we didn't missed it we could see the beautiful waters. But we were rescheduled to take the night ferry. By the time we arrived at picton, it was around 3 + and the next ferry is at 6- plenty of time to go around a bit.

I really liked Picton. It is so serene- i feel so carefree, just like in Lancelin, WA. hehe Like i said, i have this thing for fishing village and water. It took 3 hours for the ferry (hey it was more like a cruise. Huge ferry) to reach wellington. We arrived late in the evening. Again we stayed at a backpackers or youth hostel or whatever you call it. Yea, that means we shared bathroom and toilet and kitchen with other people. We had the whole day to go around wellington, the next day, so we went to the waterfront, lambton quay (shopping place ;p) and Te Papa museum just for a bit. Btw, most of the museums, are FREE. Including their national museum =D

The largest squid ever found-collossal squid. Preserved at Te Papa. Haha cute. They say, it has eyes the size of a football.

The trip to Rotorua took 8 hours from Wellington, by bus. We had 2 full days in Rotorua. That's where we did a lot of crazy things

I like thermal village and Rotorua.

After all, we don't think. Just do it. Haha

From Rotorua, we headed back to Wellington for the night and the next day, the others took plane to Dunedin in the morning, while i took the plane to Auckland. The flight only took 1 hour so i had the whole afternoon to spend, ALONE, which is so boring. My flight was 3oclock in the morning the next day. Apparently, its easy to get to the city (mahal saja). Auckland in surprisingly, a city. Rupanya, according to mum, Auckland is the international gateway of NZ. I decided to go to the sky tower since, it was in the city. spend like 2 hours at the top, the view is nice and watching people jump from 192 m is exciting. Seriously, these people, they like adrenaline pumping activities.

Sky tower.

I ate and went back to the airport by 6pm. Basically, from 6pm till 3 subuh- i try to entertain myself and i ended up falling asleep until 1am. Baik jua tebangun. hehe.

I do want to go there again, because there's still lots of things we haven't done and seen. When you go to some place new, you'll just realize that there is so much to learn and you want to learn it all. When you don't have that much time to do so, you'll want to go there, again. When you see their mirror-like blue waters from above, you'd wish that you stay longer. However, there is just this funny feeling when you see the disgustingly brownish meandering river of Brunei- the feeling of relief that you're home. hmm. Do you get that too?

Thanks god for the wonderful things i saw and experience

Home.

I've been back home for a couple of days now. And i haven't adjust my sleeping time. The first day home, i woke up at 3pm because in NZ time, its morning already. The good thing is, now i wake up early everyday. I would say i really had fun in NZ and at some point it feels so sad to go home just because there's a lot of things i have yet to experience. For example exploring the whole Te Papa national museum in Wellington, or watch an Albatross in Dunedin, explore Christchurch more, water rafting or just stay longer in Rotorua. Unfortunately, my full days in those cities aren't as long as it seems. I only had 4 full days in Dunedin, One quarter of a day in Christchurch, one full day in wellington and two full days in wellington. The rest of the days were spent mostly on 6-8 hours journey from a place to another by bus, or train and ferry. Most of the time when we reached a place after a day in the bus (sleeping because we took traveling pills), its already dark. Nevertheless, there were a lot of things worth remembering and i feel blessed to have seen the places and things i've seen.

And i keep on reminding my self, that it is impossible to explore everything in only a day or two. So for the next time in New Zealand, god willing, i need to save up again. When a dish cost 10-13 dollars each, just imagine how much i have spent on food in NZ. i also spent quite a lot on tshirts. I told you i seldom buy clothes but when i do i buy the one i think i feel most comfortable in. Ofcourse, its cheap since its sale season. I wouldn't bother buying clothes that cost 20-30+ one unless i have no choice. But the thing is, its cheaper than in Brunei and the material are so comfortable, that i find it amusing. =p So amusing, that i accidentally exceed the baggage allowance of 20kg. i am confused though. because i have plans for next year for another very far place and it'd take more than a year to collect enough money just to go there. Naah. At this point, i am a bit broke and i don't know how it'll be enough just to go visit my friends at the other end (before i turn 21, my once-a-year-free ticket privilege ends when i turn 21). I guess we'll just see how it goes.

Its impossible to tell everything in one blog post but NZ is not a shopping haven. Surprisingly, when you compare NZ cities even to KL or Hongkong, they are more city-like than in NZ. So its not the skylines or the city buzz that we are after, the the beauty- the scenery, the culture and the people. Auckland was a city though. I particularly like Picton- its so serene like Lancelin, WA. I guess i just have a thing for quiet fishing village with LOTS of water where you could just swim in. And Rotorua too. I do want to go there again, honestly.

Next blog post, i'll tell briefly about the trip. Just briefly, haha psl there's a lot to tell, i can't remember them all.

Gone too soon.

Ofcourse lawa yg ori. hehe

Earth song

Found. Haha. i love this song a lot. I guess he's one who can just sing all those aaahh and oooh and still sounds good. and one comment said, he's done more than angelina or madonna and yet there were negativities surrounding him. So sad that it took his life for people to notice how much he's done. some other comments said, he is the only singer who sang for love ,children,and nature. Come to think of it.. its true.



Michael Jackson - Earth Song

Lyric:

What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things,
That you said we were to gain?
What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things,
That you said was yours and mine?

Did you ever stop to notice,
All the blood we've shed before?
Did you ever stop to notice,
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

Aah............... Oo...........
Aah............... Oo...........

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done.
What about all the peace,
That you pledge your only son?
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams,
That you said was yours and mine?

Did you ever stop to notice,
All the children dead from war?
Did you ever stop to notice,
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

Aah............... Oo...........
Aah............... Oo...........

I used to dream.
I used to glance beyond the stars.
Now I don't know where we are.
Although I know we've drifted far.

Aah............... Oo...........
Aah............... Oo...........
Aah............... Oo...........
Aah............... Oo...........

Hey-yea!
What about yesterday?
What about the seas?
The heavens are falling down.
I can't even breathe!
What about apathy?
I can feel its wounds.
What about nature's worth?
It's our planet's womb!

What about animals?
We've turned kingdoms to dust,
What about elephants?
Have we lost their trust?
What about crying whales?
Ravaging the seas.
What about forest trails?
Burnt despite our pleas!

What about the holy land?
Torn apart by creed.
What about the common man?
Can't we set him free?
What about children dying?
Can't you hear them cry?
Where did we go wrong?
Someone tell me why!

What about baby boy?
What about the days?
What about all their joy?
What about the man?
What about the crying man?
What about Abraham?
What about death again?
Do we give a damn?!

Heal the world, he called, but have we listened?

Sigh. Almost cried watching this. I still loved Earth song though but i can't find it anywhere on the internet, even in youtube. and we are the world kali namanya. Thanks for the vid ben.

heal the world, he called. Have we listened?

Thank you MJ for the wonder you brought to the world.

After buying and weeping over MJ tribute magazines in Rotorua and wellington, strutting down the streets of Auckland and watched my favourite MJ video clip being played in one of the CD store..I realised i am still not over his passing. hmm. And i should have. MJ said he was one of the lonliest person in the world and he missed the part where everyone showed that we all love our king of pop.


And i keep on remeniscing how it felt like when i was a child, anticipating for Michael's performance in Jerudong Park- all the "mana kan michael jackson" while sitting on my dad's shoulder and the cheer that exploded when he sang. Years passed by and i have forgotten which songs were his..until i walked along the streets of Auckland, accidentally passing by a CD store that played a very familiar song to me- a song i knew the lyrics. And it was weird..because i forget lyrics so often. It was MJ's. Turns out that those songs i really liked, were his.


Yeah. I feel sad. Still. I cannot help it but the more i listen to his songs, the more i feel like we lost someone extraordinary. Rest in peace.

Back from Rotorua.

I just got back in welligton from rotorua.

We took the transcoastal train ride but our train crashed into something along the way but it was said that 'no one got hurt luckily'. Our ride was delayed and we reached picton late using a coach. We missed out VERY unferry-like ferry at picton. The ferry was more like a cruise and at night it just felt titanic-ish minus the jack dawson. But rotorua was hell lotsa fun. You can say we did crazy things in rotorua- all the adrenaline rush and the thermal bath in the rain.

And on my way to Wellington by the ferry, my mum called and told me that 5 of my cousins were quarantined. 2 went back home from brisbane but they were negative. their parents and siblings were positive. And thank god my mum didn't annoy me with all those wear your mask you'll get h1N1 things. My friends and i know what is happening in brunei- the H1N1 scare and all and it is fucking ridiculuous. Those people who died from it were suffering from other things when they caught it. And now a lot of fucking things were postpone just because of this scare. So i am fucking pissed. Paranoia will paralyse us you see. Everyone here agreed that people back there are ridiculously paranoid.

Just great.


I am at the end of my trip. Sadly. See ya.

come home with me.

You see. In Dunedin, there is nothing to do when its night time. Shops closes at 5pm hence, i, the one who always went out even when its 10 o'clock (hey don't get the wrong message, i still am antisosial.. than you are, sadly =p), feels so bored night time. And it gets dark at 5pm too. And Amal has been very patient melayan aku ngusut malam2. We went for movie twice in a row! because that cinema is the only thing that is open at night.

And last morning was an experience. I can't say much because what happens in Dunedin stays in dunedin. Lets just say, when we got back home, there is something to laughed at and remenisce. (even if its such a disgusting memory) and act what ever happens. Plus, i couldn't sleep but was too tired to take a shower (its cold jus) And even now we're still telling stories and laughed and disgusted about it. HAHAH

Because i couldn't sleep, i texted a few people. be eyeliner2 ku tidor. Today, amal and i went to kadai shopping. SALE BAH SINI. inda ku tahan. and then burger king. halal ayam nya yg di city centre. There was where i recieve a text "kami di koryo" CAPI. Tapi takpe. I went to korea tadi sekajap jua bali barang. hahahah. then bejalan ke steepest street in the world. and tunggu bus. then blek umah. Now meliat2 amal's housemate buat cupcake utk ya esuk. Pandai masak drg ah. And that was when i recieved the message from the family "ika..tani di escapade. lapas ani liat transformer pukul 12 tangah malam."

AKU ALUM LIAT TRANSFORMER BAH;. semua urg jeles kan aku. abis bah ticket sini. aku mau liattttt. Aigoo. malam di sini sangat lah boreng.

Michael jackson passed away in a cardiac arrest.

I was happy about the comeback. Everyone was.


A legend. And will always be.


Rest in peace MJ. you troubled soul. May the other end, be a lot better than this.

Day 2- settlers museum. Octagon.

Melawat museum ku hari ani. Educational banar. =p aher bangun. Karau tangan ku kesajukan. kanyang ku sini. Makan segala yg nyaman2 srg amni masak kmarin. and amal masak. AMAL masak chocolate pudding! nyaman. Shupping ku tadi,. Kena dulur leh siah, si shopaholic ah. Sale sini.

Btw HADRI. kalau ku tecari jersi murah ku bali ah. mun inda syukurtah ada apa apa yg all blacks.


and UMMIIII BEBEHH~ I wanna liat transformer.. ticket sini sold out!!

Touchdown- dunedin at last.

Kan menangis saja inda, saya tidur selama satu jam. Misis misis durang, especially si hadri (siuk ngusut arah nya ani) and ummi. Then, sent stream and litter fauna report. And then went back home and finished forest profile report (i started it the first, i finished it the last, because there was a hell lot of things to say. It got mixed up in my mind.) But anyways, 3 hours before terbang ke New Zealand and balum lagi packing, aku ke UBD mengantar forest ku (even if prof mohammad said the due for his is 28th) Bag ku kena packing kan oleh mum pasal mcm stress kali sudah usulku. Then, rushed to airport, ridha and zirah and fam and amal fam mengantar.

Then masuk kapal terbang ku duduk siring christina, the person who sat next to me in my flight from BSB to Auckland. It was her first time to NZ, jumpa laki nya yg setahun labih dah ya inda jumpa. Becerita banar lah ya. sekali dari international airport, we went to domestic airport auckland. check in nya selfsebis. Sekali dari auckland domestic, ku ke wellington. I had one hour in welly before my next flight to dunedin. Makan muffin ku kelaparan. Sekali flight ku ke dunedin, tekajut babi ku kapal nya bukan mcm biasa,. Kapal nya mcm yg anu private jet org sekali, yg kipas nya basar nampak di luar jendela ku. First time ku takut banar. Sudah dunedin, amal aher 15 minit ambil aku =p And kepada yg bertanya, awu sorang ku tadi dari brunei e dunedin. loner ku. LONER banar, keburingan ku. bah laps


Sekali now i am at her flat with her flat mates. MAI GOD. wat a journey. Sakit badan tukar2 kapal. Bah makan ku. amni pandai masak.

Shaqqy day.

Today is shaqqy day. He spent his one year older with us, doing reports. Oh what a happy 21st birthday. Thanks for everything. Apa. ailabit? =p

You know.. people should stop judging by now. Only when you know a person, you'll know. This goes to anyone.

...

Confusing. Rushing things. Seriously rushing things. 3 more to go. Started but not completed.

I don't know what to expect the day after tommorow. Alone, trying to find my way there. Trying so hard not so show the igns of paranoia i guess.

Wish me luck. FB is the devil. Oh the games and the fun. And the reports are not done. Dear fairy god mother. I need you now.




Remind me. All blacks.

Away till next month

I haven't been resting well at home. Everytime i'm at home, i'm either on the bed after taking in medications. or in the kitchen because i had gastric everytime after taking in the antibiotics. and i should be healthy before i fly off. which is really soon. and i haven't packed.

AND everytime when i am not at home, i am either at temburong working on cute liter fauna or at UBD hostel for life skills training- jadi rambo and all. and titanic. Now, i just hope what ever that comes goes well. Seriously, litter fauna are fun =p



So meet you soon before the plane takes off.

This is me blogging about lee young ae.

I haven't decide of what to do with this blog since _________________ is not done yet. (subjective to answers) and i am lazy to ____________________. And i should have it done sooner i guess. And i guess if i have not done that ___________i might keep this blog.





But i love lee young ae since jewel in the palace, so i wanna blog about her. I love her brown eyes and verryy cute visage. she's probably my number one in drama. number two is i guess si Yoon Eun Hye. Moon is another one. AND lee young ae ia AN ORIGINAL BEAUTY. google that if you don't believe me. I know she speaks german since i am a stalker. but i never expect that her absence in korean drama industry is because of education. Lee young ae is taking her phd! ain't that amazing.

LAWA BERABIS. She's 38 anyway. I want her to act more! like the drama's now are so cheesy. =(




Read here.





"Although the 38 year old actress is currently looking out for her next role, she has decided to pursue her Ph.D. at her old alma mater Han-yang University. Lee Young-ae applied to the Graduate School of Theater and Cinema of Han-yang University in May, and will officially start classes this September. Lee Young-ae has a bachelor’s degree in German Language and Literature from Han-yang, and earned her master’s degree in theater and cinema from Chung-ang University in 2001."-popseoul

You can't dance on broken strings.

One or two isn't enough of a reason to keep this blog. its sad isn't it this blog? Its like reading dying notes of a suicidal person- day by day, it becomes worst. Its pathetic. No need emo over such things, some said. But at some point i lost meaning of what it all means.


I know you're tired of me. So i apologise. I am sincerely sorry, if i make you tired of being me.


='(i gueess you don't know, i do miss you. if i'm gone, how far will you go to find me?

One week notice.

I now know for sure that i am not that good of a friend, Nor am i a google whore that googles everything. I am a terrible friend someone can have. Ignorant about their lives. Or about what they do. I am always the last one to know.Because i am a terrible friend. No wonder they go to someone else when it comes to curhat curhat.


So i might delete this blog. Or privatise it. Or just leave it at that, In one way or another...its going to be gone. (or replaced with a less personal blog)Just like that isolated penguin. Far far away from the rest.


I am a happy penguin.

field ecology 1 was FUN

imagine waking up at 5+, taking a quick shower, pass by the padi fields before going to Patoi and do our field practicals. Exhausting but i had so much fun. (and i find that invertebrates are SO cute =p especially when you get the hang of how to identify them)

There is no internet at home so yeah. And i got a fever and batuk and sore throat. So much for a flu shot. Salam

Sorang2 di tasek (di pinggiran memilukan)

MENYAMAL KU MENYAMAL.



ps- me dissappearing from MSN wasn't one of my menyamal malam malam buta ajushhi. (MSN ku tiba tiba inda baik =pp hheheeehee)

tpi menyamal ku ne!! tido ku membwa diri yg maseh menyamal.